A lot of people find their dad harder to write about than they expected. Many men of his generation didn't say much about how they felt, and you may realize you know more about what he did than what he thought. That's all right. What he did is usually the best material you have, and the people at the service will recognize him in it.
This page covers what to think about when writing a eulogy for your father, some questions to get you started and a full example. For the general process, see how to write a eulogy, and for a structure you can fill in, try the eulogy template.
Start with what he did
Think about the ordinary things. What did he do on a Saturday morning? What was always in his truck or on his workbench? Did he fix things for the neighbors, coach a team, grill every Fourth of July, or check the oil in your car every time you came home? These habits are how most people will remember him, and they often show his care for people better than anything he said.
His work matters too. Many men spent most of their waking hours at a job, and their coworkers knew a side of them the family didn't always see. If you can, talk to someone he worked with before you write. A single story from a coworker can tell the room a lot about the kind of man he was.
Questions to help you get started
- Where did he grow up, and what was his family like?
- What work did he do, and what did he think of it?
- Did he serve in the military? Where, and did he talk about it?
- How did he meet your mom or his partner?
- What did he like to do on his days off?
- What did he always say, or never say?
- What did he teach you to do with your hands?
- What was he like as a grandpa?
Talking about military service
If your dad served, it's usually right to mention it, and many veterans' families like to include the branch, the years and where he was stationed. Keep it plain. Say what he did and, if you know, what it meant to him. If he didn't talk about it much, it's fine to say so. You don't need to describe what he saw or went through, and it's best to leave that out unless he spoke about it openly and the family agrees.
Eligible veterans can have military funeral honors, which usually include the folding and presentation of the flag and the playing of Taps. The funeral director can arrange this and tell you where it falls in the service. If a veterans' organization such as the American Legion or the VFW is taking part, you may want to thank them in the eulogy.
Things to think about
Your mom or his partner. If your mom or his partner is still living, talk to her before you write. She may want particular things said, and she'll be sitting in the front row. Speak about their marriage in a way she'll be comfortable hearing.
Brothers and sisters. If you're one of several children, share a draft with them. You may each remember him differently, especially if there's a big age gap between you.
Humor. If your dad liked a joke, a funny story or two will help people feel they're remembering the real man. Keep it kind, and make sure the story would have made him laugh too.
Example eulogy for a dad
This example is read by an oldest daughter at her dad's funeral in Tucson, Arizona. It runs to about four minutes. He served in the Army as a young man, and the family wanted that mentioned simply.
Good afternoon. I'm Rosa, Ernie's oldest daughter. On behalf of my mom, my brother Danny, my sister Lupe and all of our family, thank you for coming today. Dad would be embarrassed by how many of you are here, and very pleased.
Ernesto Salazar was born in Tucson in 1949, in a small house on the south side, the third of six children. His father laid bricks and his mother cleaned houses, and Dad started working at ten, sweeping the floor of a tire shop on Saturdays. He used to say he never had a day off until he was sixty-two, and I don't think he was exaggerating.
In 1969 he was drafted into the Army. He served two years, most of it as a mechanic with a transportation unit in Germany. He didn't talk about the Army much, but he kept his uniform in the hall closet, and every Veterans Day he went to breakfast with two men he'd served with. I want to thank the members of the American Legion post who are here today and who will be with us at the cemetery.
When he came home he went to work for the electric company as a lineman, and he stayed for thirty-three years. He worked through monsoon storms and hundred-and-ten-degree afternoons, and when the power went out anywhere in town, we knew we wouldn't see him until it came back on. Several of the men he worked with are here today. One of them told me last night that Dad was the person you wanted next to you on a pole, because he never rushed and he never cut a corner.
He met my mom at a dance at the church hall in 1972. He asked her to dance three times before she said yes. He always said she was worth the wait. Mom, you were married for fifty-two years, and he never stopped bringing you coffee in the morning.
Dad was a quiet man at home. He showed us he loved us by doing things. He fixed every bike in the neighborhood. He coached Danny's Little League team for six seasons and never once yelled at an umpire, although he came close. He taught all three of us to change a tire and check the oil, and he checked it again himself every time we came home, because he didn't quite trust us.
On Sunday mornings he made breakfast for whoever showed up, and by the end there were usually fifteen of us. At Christmas he was in charge of spreading the masa for the tamales, and he took that job very seriously. On his days off he liked nothing better than driving up Mount Lemmon with the windows down to get out of the heat.
His grandchildren were his greatest joy. Marisol, Andrew, Sofia and Nico, he came to your games and your recitals, and he always sat in the same spot so you could find him. He was so proud of every one of you.
Dad, thank you for working so hard for us, and for teaching us how to take care of things and of each other. We'll look after Mom. Rest easy now.
Why it works: it tells his life in order and includes his service plainly, without detail he wouldn't have shared. It lets his coworkers' view of him come through, speaks to his wife and grandchildren by name, and shows his love through what he did.
Ways to end a eulogy for your dad
- "Thank you, Dad, for everything you did for us. We'll take care of Mom, and we'll take care of each other."
- "He always told us to drive safe and call when we got there. We made it, Dad. Rest easy."
- "I'll finish the way he finished every phone call: all right then, love you, bye. Love you, Dad."
There are more full tributes on the eulogy examples page, and a companion guide for a eulogy for your mom. If you've been asked to say a few words at a graveside or on behalf of his workplace, see funeral speeches.
Common questions
How do I start a eulogy for my dad?
Thank people for coming and say who you are, for example "I'm Rosa, Ernie's oldest daughter." Then begin his life story with where he was born, or open with a short memory that shows what he was like and go back to the life story after it.
My dad was a quiet man. What can I say about him?
Talk about what he did. The jobs he did around the house, the way he looked after people, the routines he kept and the things he fixed or built often say more about a quiet man than any description. His friends and coworkers may have stories that show a side of him you didn't see at home.
How should I mention his military service?
Say plainly where and when he served, and what it meant to him if you know. If he rarely talked about it, say that too. You don't need to describe anything he went through. If the funeral includes military honors, ask the funeral director where the eulogy falls in the service so the two fit together.
Should I mention my mom in a eulogy for my dad?
Usually yes, especially if she's at the service. Say something about their marriage that she'll be glad to hear, and check it with her first. If your parents were divorced or he remarried, talk to both sides of the family about what feels right.
Is it all right to tell funny stories about my dad at his funeral?
If he liked to laugh, yes. Stories about his habits, his projects in the garage or his terrible jokes can bring real warmth to a service. Keep them affectionate, and follow them with something sincere.