Families choose a celebration of life for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes the person asked for "no fuss" or said they wanted a party. Sometimes the family isn't religious, or the burial or cremation has already happened privately, or relatives are spread across the country and need time to travel. A celebration of life can sit alongside a funeral, too, a few weeks later, when everyone has had a little time.
What a celebration of life is
There is no set format. Most are relaxed gatherings of family and friends, with food, some music, a few people sharing memories, and time to talk. The tone is usually lighter than a funeral, and laughter is welcome, though people will still be sad and that's fine. The family decides everything: where it is, how long it lasts, whether there is any religious element, and what people wear.
Because it has no fixed shape, the best place to start is the person. Think about where they were happiest, what they liked to eat, the music they played in the car, and the people they spent time with. Most of the ideas below come from answering those questions.
Where to hold it
At home. A backyard or living room works well for a smaller group, and it feels familiar. It also means more work for the family, so ask friends to take on food, chairs and cleanup.
A park or public space. Many city and county parks rent out picnic shelters or pavilions for a small fee. Book early, check the rules on alcohol and amplified sound, and have a plan for bad weather.
A restaurant or bar. A private room at a favorite restaurant takes care of food, tables and cleanup in one booking. It works especially well if the person had a regular spot where the staff knew their order.
Their favorite place. A golf clubhouse, a VFW or American Legion hall, a brewery taproom, a church fellowship hall, a lake cabin or a community garden. If the place meant something to them, people will feel it.
Personal touches
You don't need all of these. Choose one or two that suit the person and the space, and ask friends to help with them.
A memory table
Set up a table near the entrance with framed photos and a few of their things: a fishing hat, a quilt they made, their reading glasses on a paperback, a bowling trophy or a well-used recipe box. People tend to gather around it, and it gives them an easy way to start talking.
A photo slideshow
Ask family and friends to send photos a week or so ahead, and collect them in one shared folder. Aim for 60 to 100 photos for a slideshow of about 10 minutes, set to a few of their favorite songs. Play it on a loop in the background, or once during the program with everyone watching.
A playlist
Put together the music they loved, from the records they played in the kitchen to the songs they sang badly in the car. Ask the grandchildren or a music-minded friend to do this. It's a good job for someone who wants to help but doesn't want to speak.
Their favorite food
Serve what they would have served, whether it's brisket, a pot of chili, a big tray of enchiladas or their famous lemon bars. If they had a recipe everyone knew, print copies for people to take home.
Memory cards
Leave cards and pens on the tables and ask guests to write down a memory, a story or something the person said. Put a box or a jar out to collect them. Families often say these cards are one of the things they value most afterward, because they hold stories they had never heard.
Planting a tree
Planting a tree or a rosebush, in the yard or at a park that allows memorial plantings, gives people something to visit later. Some families hand out packets of wildflower seeds for guests to plant at home.
A toast
Ending with a toast gives the gathering a clear close. It can be with whatever they liked to drink, whether that's a glass of bourbon, a cold beer, iced tea or root beer floats. Keep it short, say their name, and invite everyone to raise a glass.
Speakers and an open mic
Most celebrations of life have one person who welcomes everyone and holds things together, and one main tribute from someone close, which is much like a eulogy. The funeral speeches page has advice on shorter tributes if a few people are each saying a little.
After that, many families invite two or three friends to share a story, then open the microphone to anyone. An open mic can bring out stories the family has never heard, but it helps to plan it a little. Ask one or two people ahead of time to be ready to go first, since nobody wants to be the first to stand up. Say how long people should speak, such as a couple of minutes each, and have the host gently close it after 20 or 30 minutes.
Timing and length
Two to three hours is common. A simple plan is to give people half an hour to arrive and look at photos, then about 45 minutes of welcome, tribute, stories and a toast, followed by food and time to talk. Put the speaking part near the start, while everyone is there and before children get restless.
Weekends and early afternoons tend to suit most people. If you are waiting several months, pick a date that means something, such as their birthday or the start of fishing season, and let people know early so they can travel.
Inviting people and including those far away
Most families share the details by text, email or a Facebook post, and in the obituary if it's being published. A simple invitation can say what the gathering is, when and where, whether food is provided, and any request about clothing or donations.
For people who can't travel, livestream the speaking part on a video call or a private stream, and share the link with the invitation. Ask one person to look after the phone or laptop, check the sound beforehand, and set it up where people can see the speakers. Some families record it so that anyone can watch later.
An example welcome
This short welcome was written from a made-up family's answers. Nicole is opening her father's celebration of life at a park shelter by Lake Superior in Duluth, Minnesota.
Hi, everyone. If we haven't met, I'm Nicole, Gary's daughter. On behalf of my mom, my brother Erik and all of our family, thank you for coming. Some of you drove up from the Cities this morning, and a few of you flew in from Arizona, and we are really grateful.
We chose this spot because Dad spent more Saturday mornings by this lake than anywhere else. He'd be out here at six with a thermos of coffee, watching the ore boats and telling anyone who would listen which one was coming in. He wanted today to be casual, so please don't feel you have to be quiet or serious. He'd want you to eat the food and catch up with each other.
Here's how the afternoon will go. In a few minutes Erik is going to tell you a little about Dad's life. Then his friend Jim from the paper mill has a couple of stories, and after that the microphone is open to anyone who'd like to share a memory. There's no pressure, and a couple of minutes is plenty.
There are cards on every table. If you have a story about Dad, even a small one, please write it down and drop it in the tackle box by the photos. We'd love to read them.
Later on we'll finish with a toast, and then the food will be out, including Mom's wild rice hotdish, which I'm told is required. Thank you again for being here.
If you are organizing the whole thing, the funeral program template has an order of service for a celebration of life that you can print, and the funeral writing package can write the tribute, obituary and program wording from one set of answers. For afterward, there are funeral thank-you notes you can adapt.
Common questions
What is the difference between a funeral and a celebration of life?
A funeral is usually a more formal service, often religious, and usually held with the body or ashes present within a week or two of the death. A celebration of life is typically more relaxed and personal, and it can be held weeks or months later, anywhere the family chooses. Some families have both.
What do you wear to a celebration of life?
Unless the family says otherwise, smart casual clothes are fine. Many families ask guests to wear a color the person loved, a team jersey or something bright. If the invitation does not say, dress as you would for a nice lunch out.
How long after a death is a celebration of life held?
Anywhere from a week to several months. Some families wait for warmer weather, a birthday or a date when relatives can travel. There is no rule, and holding it later often gives the family time to plan something that feels right.
Can you have a celebration of life without an officiant?
Yes. Most celebrations of life are hosted by a family member or close friend. You can ask a pastor, a celebrant or a funeral director to lead it if you would prefer, but you do not have to.