Fathers of the groom are often less sure of their role than anyone else in the wedding. The father of the bride has a clear job at the reception, and the best man has the big toast. Your moment usually comes the night before, at the rehearsal dinner, although many couples now ask the groom's father to say a few words at the reception as well. Either way, the guests will want to hear you talk about your son and welcome his new spouse into the family.
Rehearsal dinner or reception?
In the American tradition, the groom's family hosts the rehearsal dinner. That makes you, or you and your wife or partner, the hosts for the evening, and the host gives the first toast. So for most fathers of the groom, the rehearsal dinner is the main speech. The rehearsal dinner speech guide covers the evening in detail, with a full host's welcome from a father of the groom.
At the reception, the usual speakers are the father of the bride, the maid of honor and the best man. A father of the groom toast is a nice addition, especially if the families are sharing the cost of the wedding or the couple are hosting it themselves. Ask the couple what they'd like. If you do speak at both, don't repeat yourself. Save one or two stories for each, and keep the reception toast shorter, because there are more speakers that night.
When the couple are two grooms, both fathers may have the same role, and they often speak one after the other at the reception. Talk to each other beforehand so you don't cover the same ground.
What to include
A father of the groom speech usually covers:
- A short introduction, if guests don't know you
- A welcome to the other family, by name, and thanks for welcoming your son
- Thanks to the guests for coming, especially anyone who traveled a long way
- One or two stories about your son growing up
- Something specific about his spouse and what they're like together
- A welcome into your family, and a toast to the couple
At the rehearsal dinner, you can also thank anyone who helped organize the dinner, and mention family members who couldn't make it or who have passed away, if that feels right. At the reception, keep the thank-yous short and leave most of them to the couple.
Talking about your son
Pick one or two stories that show the kind of person he is. They don't need to be dramatic. The best stories tend to be ordinary moments that everyone in the family remembers, like the job he took at fifteen or the time he looked after his little sister when she was sick. Tell it simply and let the guests draw their own conclusion, or add a sentence that says what it showed about him.
Gentle teasing is fine, especially at the rehearsal dinner. Just make sure it ends somewhere kind. Leave out his exes, anything to do with the bachelor party, and anything that would embarrass him in front of his new in-laws.
Welcoming his spouse
This part matters a great deal to your son's new spouse and their family. Talk about when you first met them and what you noticed. Mention something specific, such as how they get on with your side of the family, a skill they've shown, or how your son has changed since they've been together. Then say clearly that you're happy to welcome them into the family. A sentence to the other parents, thanking them for their son or daughter, is a nice touch.
If your family is blended
Plenty of grooms have a stepdad, a stepmom, or parents who are divorced. If you're sharing the role with your son's stepfather, talk to him and to your son beforehand about who speaks where. One of you might host the rehearsal dinner while the other gives a toast at the reception. If you're divorced from your son's mom, a warm word about her in your speech is a kind thing to do, even if it's only a sentence thanking her for raising him with you.
How long to speak
Aim for about three minutes, which is around 390 words. At the rehearsal dinner, as host, you can go a little longer if there's a good story to tell. At the reception, two or three minutes is plenty. The wedding toasts guide has a table of typical lengths for each speaker.
Example: a father of the groom toast at the reception
Ramon lives in Las Cruces, New Mexico. His son Mateo is marrying Jordan, who grew up in Tucson. Jordan's parents hosted the rehearsal dinner, so Ramon gives a short toast at the reception, after Jordan's father has welcomed everyone.
Good evening, everybody. I'm Ramon, Mateo's dad. I'll keep this short, because Jordan's dad has already done a wonderful job of welcoming you all, and because I've been told the mariachi band starts at eight.
First, I want to thank Jordan's parents, Bill and Karen. You hosted all of us last night, and you've made our whole family feel at home since the first time we met. Thank you for that, and thank you for Jordan.
I also want to thank everyone who traveled to be here, especially my sister Teresa, who flew in from Denver this morning, and all of Mateo's cousins, who have been in my kitchen since Thursday eating everything we own.
When Mateo was twelve, he told his mom and me that he wanted to learn how to roast green chile the way his grandpa did. So every August, the two of them would set up the roaster in Grandpa's driveway in Hatch and spend a whole Saturday turning that drum. Mateo would come home smelling of smoke and completely happy. His mom, Lucia, would want me to add that he left smoky clothes all over her laundry room for about ten years. She has forgiven him. He still does it every year, and now he brings the roasted chile to half the neighborhood. That's Mateo. When he loves something, he wants to share it with everyone.
About four years ago, he brought Jordan along for chile season. Jordan had never roasted a chile in his life. By the end of the day, he'd learned how to work the roaster and had filled six freezer bags to take home. He asked my father-in-law so many questions about the old roaster that the two of them talked for an hour. My father-in-law told me afterward, "That one's a keeper." He doesn't say that about many people.
Jordan, you're patient and generous, and you make Mateo laugh like nobody else does. His mom and I have watched the two of you build a life together in Las Cruces, and we couldn't be happier. We're proud to call you our son-in-law, and we're so glad you're part of our family.
Now, if everyone could please raise their glasses. To Mateo and Jordan, and to many more chile seasons together.
Giving the speech
- Practice out loud a few times, and time it once. It'll come out a little faster on the night.
- Use notes or index cards in a large font. It's fine to read from them.
- At the rehearsal dinner, you may not have a microphone, so stand up and speak to the back of the room.
- At the reception, the DJ or emcee will introduce you. Wait for quiet before you begin.
- End with the toast, clearly, so people know when to drink.
If the bride's father or mother is speaking too, it helps to know what they're planning. The father of the bride speech and mother of the bride speech guides explain what they usually cover.
Common questions
Does the father of the groom give a speech?
Often, but not always. At many American weddings, the father of the groom gives his main speech at the rehearsal dinner, because the groom's family traditionally hosts it. Some couples also ask him to give a short toast at the reception.
Should the father of the groom speak at the rehearsal dinner or the reception?
If your family is hosting the rehearsal dinner, you'll almost certainly speak there as the host. Whether you also speak at the reception is up to the couple. Ask them, and if you do speak at both, keep the reception toast shorter and use different stories.
How long should a father of the groom speech be?
About three minutes is right for most fathers of the groom, which is around 390 words at 130 words a minute. A reception toast that follows the father of the bride can be even shorter.
Who should the father of the groom thank?
The other family first, by name, then any guests who have traveled. At the rehearsal dinner, thank whoever helped you plan it. At the reception, a short thank-you to the bride's family or the couple for hosting is enough. Leave the long list of thank-yous to the couple.
Can I use AI to help write a father of the groom speech?
Yes. Speechmade writes a first draft with AI from your own answers about your son and his partner. You can read the opening free and change anything so it sounds like you.