Plenty of couples now write their own vows, and for many guests it's the part of the ceremony they remember best. It's the one moment in the day when you speak to each other in your own words while everyone listens. You don't need to be a writer to do it well. A few honest memories and some promises you mean are enough.
This page covers the basics. If you'd like to read finished vows first, there are five full wedding vow examples. If you're ready to start, the guide to how to write your vows takes you through it step by step, and there's a separate page on funny wedding vows if you want to make your partner laugh.
Traditional vows and personal vows
Traditional vows are set words that couples have said for generations. The wording most Americans recognize comes from the Book of Common Prayer, and different churches and officiants use slightly different versions of it. The familiar part goes like this:
to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part
Many ceremonies also include a short question from the officiant, such as "Do you take this woman to be your wife?", to which you answer "I do."
People like traditional vows because they are familiar and nobody has to write anything. Personal vows are written by the two of you. They can mention how you met, what you love about each other and the promises that matter in your life together. You don't have to pick one or the other. A lot of couples say the traditional words after the officiant and then read short personal vows as well.
How personal vows fit into a US ceremony
Every American wedding has an officiant. That might be a minister, priest, rabbi or imam, a judge, a county clerk, a professional celebrant or a friend who has been ordained for the day. The officiant runs the ceremony and signs the marriage license afterward.
What has to be said or done for the marriage to be legal depends on the state where you marry, and the rules differ across the country. We won't try to summarize them here, because they vary and they change. Ask your officiant early on what the ceremony must include, and check that your license is in order with the county that issues it.
Personal vows usually sit alongside whatever the officiant needs. A common order is the welcome, a reading or two, your personal vows, the traditional vows or declaration, the exchange of rings, and then the pronouncement and the kiss. Your officiant will know what works and can help you place them.
Religious and secular ceremonies
If you're marrying in a church, synagogue, mosque or temple, ask the officiant whether personal vows are allowed before you write anything. Some faiths have set words that must be used, and some congregations are relaxed about adding your own. Where personal vows can't go in the service, couples often read them to each other in private before the ceremony, sometimes during a first look, or save them for the rehearsal dinner.
At a religious ceremony it's natural to mention your faith in your vows if it matters to you both, for example by promising to pray together or to raise children in your church. At a secular ceremony, you have a free hand. Outdoor weddings, courthouse weddings and ceremonies led by a friend are all common, and most of those officiants will be glad to include whatever you write. If one of you is religious and the other isn't, talk about it first so neither of you is surprised by what the other says.
How long your vows should be
Aim for one to two minutes each. At a normal pace most people say about 130 words a minute, so that's between about 130 and 260 words. You'll be standing up in front of everyone, probably with your voice wobbling, and a minute feels much longer at the front than it does in the chairs. Keep your vows short enough to say slowly.
Agree on a rough length with your partner before either of you starts. If one of you speaks for thirty seconds and the other for four minutes, it can feel lopsided, and the shorter one may feel caught out. You don't need to match word for word. Being in the same range is enough. Some couples send both sets to their officiant, who can tell them if one is much longer without giving anything away.
What to put in them
Most personal vows follow a simple shape:
- A short memory. How you met, or the moment you knew. One or two sentences is enough.
- What you love about your partner. Small, specific things work best, such as the way they talk to your grandma or how they drive in snow.
- Your promises. Mostly serious, with one or two light ones if that suits you.
- A last line. Something simple, said straight to your partner.
Speak to your partner as "you" the whole way through. Guests are listening, but the vows are for one person. Leave out thank-yous and jokes aimed at the guests, and don't end with a toast. Those belong at the reception, where the maid of honor and best man usually give the main toasts.
An example of personal vows
Jenna is an ER nurse in Columbus, Ohio, and she is marrying Andre, who teaches high school chemistry. They met in a line at a food truck. These are her vows, and they take about a minute to say.
Andre, we met in line for tacos at a food truck on a Friday night. You let me go ahead of you because I was still in my scrubs, and then you asked if the lengua was any good. I said I had no idea. You ordered it anyway.
I love that you try everything once. I love that you leave me a text before every one of my night shifts, and that you call your mom every Sunday.
I promise to be honest with you, even when it's hard. I promise to take care of you when you're sick, and I promise to finally learn the rules of fantasy football.
Most of all, I promise to keep choosing you, on the easy days and the hard ones, for the rest of my life.
It works because every line could only be about Andre. The food truck and the Sunday calls are real, small details, and the one light promise sits in the middle so the vows still end on something serious.
Reading your vows on the day
Write your vows out in a vow book or on a card. Vow books are small booklets made for this, and they look nicer in photos than a phone. Nobody expects you to memorize anything, and holding something means you won't lose your place if you get emotional. Use a large font and leave space between lines. Give a spare copy to your officiant or a member of the wedding party in case yours goes missing.
Read them out loud at home several times and time yourself. You'll find the sentences that are hard to say. On the day, speak a little slower than feels natural and look up at your partner between lines. If your voice goes, stop and take a breath. Everyone watching will wait for you.
Help with writing them
Speechmade can write a first draft of your vows with AI, from your answers about how you met, what you love about your partner and the promises you want to make. You can read the opening before you decide, and change any of it afterward.
More guides to wedding vows
Common questions
Do personal vows count legally?
What makes a marriage legal is set by the state where you marry, and the requirements differ from state to state. Personal vows are usually said in addition to whatever your officiant needs to include. Ask your officiant what has to be in the ceremony and where your own vows can go.
Can we write our own vows for a church wedding?
It depends on the church. Some ministers are happy for you to add personal vows, while others ask you to use the church's own wording. If personal vows aren't allowed in the service, many couples read them to each other privately before the ceremony or share them at the rehearsal dinner.
How long should wedding vows be?
One to two minutes each is plenty. That is roughly 130 to 260 words at a normal speaking pace. Agree on a rough length with your partner so one set of vows is not much longer than the other.
Do I have to memorize my vows?
No. Most people read them from a vow book or a card. Holding something means you can look up at your partner between lines without worrying about losing your place.
Should we share our vows with each other before the wedding?
That's up to you. Some couples hear them for the first time at the altar, and others read them together beforehand. A common middle ground is to agree on the length and the tone, then keep the words a surprise. Your officiant can read both sets to check they are a similar length.