At an American wedding, the father of the bride's speech is usually a welcome toast. It comes early in the reception, often before the maid of honor and the best man, and it sets the tone for the evening. You're welcoming people on behalf of the family, saying something about your daughter, and welcoming her new spouse. It's one of the parts of the day that guests remember, so it's worth some thought, but it doesn't need to be long.
Where the welcome toast fits in
Traditionally, the bride's parents hosted the wedding, so her father would stand up and welcome everyone as the host. Many families now share the cost, or the couple pay for most of it themselves, but the father of the bride still often gives the first toast. A common order at the reception is:
- The couple's grand entrance, and sometimes their first dance
- The welcome toast from the father of the bride, or both of her parents
- The maid of honor and the best man, in either order
- Sometimes a short thank-you from the couple
The DJ or emcee will usually introduce you. Find out ahead of time when you're on, and make sure there's something in your glass. If the couple are saying a blessing before the meal, you might be asked to do that too, or to hand over to the person who is. The wedding toasts guide explains how the evening usually runs.
What the welcome toast should cover
A good father of the bride toast usually includes:
- Who you are, for the guests who don't know you
- A welcome and thank-you to the guests, especially anyone who has traveled far
- A welcome to your daughter's new in-laws, by name
- A mention of anyone important who has passed away or couldn't be there, if the family would like that
- A story or two about your daughter
- Something warm and specific about her spouse, and a welcome into the family
- The toast to the couple
You don't have to thank everyone who helped with the wedding. The couple usually do that themselves, and a long list of vendors slows things down. A quick thank-you to anyone who made a big contribution, such as a relative who made the cake or a family friend whose property you're using, is plenty.
Talking about your daughter
This is the heart of the toast. Choose one or two stories that show what she's like. Guests remember a story longer than a list of qualities. If she's stubborn in a good way, tell the story of the time she proved it. If she's always been the one who looks after everyone, give an example people will recognize.
Ask her mom, her siblings and her oldest friends what they remember. Write down everything, then pick the stories that are short enough to tell in under a minute and that everyone in the room can follow. Keep it kind. The guests include her coworkers and her spouse's grandparents, so leave out anything she'd be embarrassed by.
Welcoming her spouse
Her spouse's family will be listening closely to this part. Say when you first met them and what you noticed, and say something about how they are with your daughter. You don't have to pretend you were best friends from day one. A gentle story about the first time they came to dinner, or the first time they met the dog, works well. Then say plainly that you're glad to welcome them into the family.
If your daughter is marrying a woman, the toast works exactly the same way. Use both their names in the toast, or "the newlyweds."
Remembering someone who has died
If a grandparent or another close relative has died, many families like the father of the bride to mention them. Ask your daughter first, because some brides would rather keep the evening light. If she'd like it, keep it to a sentence or two, with one small detail about the person, and then move on. Early in the toast works best, after the welcome, so the rest of the speech can be happy. Some families also keep an empty chair or a table with photos, and you can point guests toward it.
How long to speak
Three to four minutes is ideal. That's about 400 to 500 words at a normal pace. It leaves time for the maid of honor and best man, who are expected to speak for a little longer. If you're giving the welcome and the blessing, or speaking with your wife or partner, keep your part to two or three minutes.
Example: a father of the bride toast
Gary lives in Charlottesville, Virginia. His daughter Lauren is marrying Trevor, whose family are from Richmond. The reception is at a vineyard outside town, and Gary gives the welcome toast after the couple's entrance.
Good evening, everyone. For those who don't know me, I'm Gary, Lauren's dad. On behalf of my wife Susan and me, thank you all for being here tonight.
A lot of you have come a long way. Lauren's college friends are here from as far as Seattle and Austin, and Susan's brother Tom drove down from Pittsburgh with his whole family, including the dog, who is in the car and is fine. We're very grateful to every one of you.
I'd especially like to welcome Trevor's parents, Darnell and Angela, and his grandmother, Mrs. Harris. Over the last two years, you've become our friends, and I think we've had more dinners together than either family can count. I'm very happy we'll be having a lot more.
Lauren's grandpa Walter would have loved tonight. He taught her to fish off the pier at Virginia Beach when she was five, and she's been beating the rest of us at it ever since. We're thinking of him.
Now, about Lauren. When she was seven, she decided she wanted to run a lemonade stand. Most kids would set up a table in the front yard and hope for the best. Lauren made a sign, worked out that more people walked past the library on Saturday mornings, and talked the librarian into letting her set up by the door. She made more money that summer than I did from my tomato plants, and she kept a notebook of every sale.
She still has that notebook, and she's still that person. She plans ahead, and she doesn't let anything stop her once she's made up her mind. When she decided to become a nurse, she worked night shifts while she studied, and she never once complained to us about it. Susan and I have been proud of her for a long time, and tonight we're prouder than ever.
Then there's Trevor. The first time Lauren brought him home, the kitchen faucet was leaking. I'd been meaning to fix it for about a month. Trevor looked at it, asked if I had a wrench, and fixed it before the pasta was ready. Susan still brings it up. But what I noticed most that night was the way he looked at Lauren when she was talking. He listened to every word, and he laughed at her jokes, even the ones she's told before.
Trevor, you're patient and kind, and you make my daughter very happy. We couldn't have hoped for anyone better, and we're proud to welcome you into our family.
Before I hand over to Lauren's maid of honor, I'd like to thank the Wilson family for letting us use their vineyard tonight. It's a beautiful place, and I think you'll all agree the view is wonderful.
So would you all please raise your glasses. To Lauren and Trevor.
Tips for the day
- Read it aloud several times in the weeks before, and time it at least once.
- Print it in a large font, or put it on a few index cards. Nobody minds a dad reading from notes.
- Hold the microphone close to your mouth and speak more slowly than feels natural.
- Go easy on the drinks until you've spoken.
- If you get emotional talking about your daughter, pause, take a breath and carry on. Guests will love that it means so much to you.
If the bride's mom is speaking too, read the mother of the bride speech guide so you can plan your toasts together and avoid telling the same story twice. If you're hosting a dinner the night before, the rehearsal dinner speech guide has advice and examples.
Common questions
Does the father of the bride give a speech at an American wedding?
Often, yes, though it's shorter than in some countries. The father of the bride usually gives a welcome toast near the start of the reception, especially if the bride's family is hosting. The main toasts then come from the maid of honor and the best man.
When does the father of the bride speak?
Usually first, once the couple have made their entrance and guests are seated. Some couples have him speak before dinner is served, and others wait until after the first dance. The DJ or emcee will introduce him when it's time.
How long should a father of the bride toast be?
Three to four minutes is a good length, which is roughly 400 to 500 words at 130 words a minute. That's long enough to welcome everyone and say something personal about your daughter, and short enough to leave room for the maid of honor and best man.
What if the bride's father isn't giving the toast?
Her mom, a stepdad, a grandparent or an uncle often gives the welcome instead, and sometimes both parents speak together. The content stays much the same. The mother of the bride guide has its own advice and example.
Can I use AI to help write my toast?
Yes. Speechmade writes a first draft with AI from your own answers about your daughter and her partner. You can read the opening free, then change anything so it sounds like you.