Couples renew their vows for all sorts of reasons. For some it's a big anniversary. For others it's the wedding they couldn't afford the first time, or a way to mark coming through a hard few years together. Whatever the reason, the ceremony is usually more relaxed than a wedding, because the couple have nothing to prove and nothing to sign.
A vow renewal follows the same shape as a wedding, with a few changes. For the full order of a wedding ceremony and wording for each part, see the main wedding ceremony script guide. For tips on running a ceremony as a friend or relative, see officiating a friend's wedding.
Who can officiate
Because the couple are already married, a vow renewal isn't a legal ceremony. There's no marriage license, and whoever leads it doesn't need to be ordained or registered with anyone. That means you can choose the person who means the most to you.
Children and grandchildren are a popular choice, and it's easy to see why. They grew up inside the marriage and know the stories nobody else does. A grown son or daughter can lead the whole ceremony, and younger grandchildren can carry the rings, read a short poem or hand over flowers. Some families share it out, with one child giving the welcome and another leading the vows.
Other couples ask the friend who introduced them, a member of the wedding party from the first time around, or their minister, priest or rabbi. If the renewal is in a church or other place of worship, ask the clergy there first, as they may have their own order of service.
How a vow renewal ceremony runs
Most vow renewals follow this order:
- Entrance. The couple may walk in together, or one waits at the front. Some are walked in by their children.
- Welcome. The officiant says who they are and why everyone is here.
- The couple's story. A short look back at the marriage, including the years since the wedding.
- A reading or ritual, if the couple want one.
- The vows. Either new personal vows or the original wording repeated.
- The rings. Exchanged again, or a new ring added.
- A closing. The officiant presents the couple and invites everyone to celebrate.
There's no declaration of intent to satisfy and no pronouncement to make, so you can use gentler wording. Instead of "I now pronounce you married," the officiant might say "It is my joy to present to you, still married after thirty years, Mom and Dad."
What to say in the couple's story
At a wedding, the story is about how the couple met. At a vow renewal, there's much more to draw on. Pick two or three moments from the marriage and tell them simply. They can be big events, like moving across the country or the birth of a first child, or everyday ones, like the way they still hold hands in the car. Mention the hard times only if the couple want to, and gently.
If a parent or someone important from the original wedding has died, it's natural to remember them briefly. Check the wording with the couple first.
Old vows or new ones?
Some couples repeat the vows they said on their wedding day, word for word. It can be very moving for guests who were there the first time. Others write new vows about the marriage they actually have now. Plenty do both, starting with something short and personal and ending with the traditional lines. The guide to wedding vows has advice on writing personal ones.
An example vow renewal script
Bernadette and Leon are renewing their vows for their 30th anniversary in their backyard in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Their daughter, Nicole, is leading the ceremony, and their grandson, Micah, who is eight, is carrying the rings. It takes about five minutes to say.
[Bernadette and Leon walk in together, arm in arm. The music fades.]
Hi, everyone. For anyone who doesn't know me, I'm Nicole, the oldest of their three kids, and I've been told that means I'm in charge today.
Thirty years ago, Mom and Dad got married at Grandma's church with about forty people and a cake Aunt Loretta baked in her own oven. Today we've got a few more people and a caterer, but Aunt Loretta is here, and she made the cake again anyway.
They met at a crawfish boil a couple of years before that. Dad was the one stirring the pot, and Mom told him he was using too much cayenne. He has been using less cayenne ever since.
We also want to remember Grandpa Earl, Mom's dad, who walked her down the aisle the first time. He'd be sitting in that lawn chair by the fence right now, telling everyone the music was too loud.
[Short pause]
Here are a few things I've learned from watching my parents for thirty years. When Dad was laid off from the plant, Mom picked up extra shifts at the hospital without once complaining where we could hear. When Mom went back to school at forty-five to get her nursing degree, Dad did every school run and learned to make her gumbo. He'll tell you it was nearly as good. Mom will tell you it wasn't.
They still dance in the kitchen when a Frankie Beverly and Maze song comes on the radio. Us kids used to find it embarrassing. Now we all do it in our own kitchens.
Last month I asked Dad what the secret was. He thought about it for a long time and said, "Your mother is usually right." Then I asked Mom the same question. She said, "Your father listens." I'll let you decide whether that's the same answer.
Between your kids, your grandkids and your friends from church, just about everyone in this yard has had a seat at your table at some point, and most of us have had a plate of your red beans on a Monday. You've always made room for one more.
Mom, Dad, we're so proud of you. We're here today to hear you make your promises again, and to thank you for showing us what those promises look like when you keep them.
Would you please face each other.
[Bernadette and Leon face each other and join hands]
Leon, thirty years ago you made promises to Bernadette. Do you make them again today, to love her, to care for her, and to stand by her for all the years ahead?
[Leon: I do.]
Bernadette, thirty years ago you made promises to Leon. Do you make them again today, to love him, to care for him, and to stand by him for all the years ahead?
[Bernadette: I do.]
They've each written a few words for today. Dad, you go first.
[Leon reads his vows, then Bernadette reads hers]
Micah, can you bring up the rings, please?
[Micah brings the rings. Nicole hands one to each of them.]
These are the same rings you gave each other thirty years ago. They've been through three kids and two houses. Dad, please put the ring back on Mom's finger and repeat after me. Bernadette, I gave you this ring once, and I give it to you again, with all my love.
[Leon repeats]
Mom, please put the ring back on Dad's finger and repeat after me. Leon, I gave you this ring once, and I give it to you again, with all my love.
[Bernadette repeats]
Dad, you may kiss your wife. You've had plenty of practice.
[The kiss]
Everyone, please stand and give it up for the two people who taught us all what marriage looks like. Still married after thirty years, Bernadette and Leon.
[Music. The couple walk back down the aisle, and everyone heads to the food.]
Nicole keeps the "Do you" questions even though they aren't legally needed, because they give the couple a clear moment to say "I do" again. The stories are specific to this family, and the jokes are kind to both parents. There's no pronouncement, so the ceremony ends on the presentation instead.
Help with a first draft
Speechmade can write a ceremony script with AI from your answers about the couple and the life they've built. Say in your answers that it's a vow renewal, and read the opening before you decide. You can change any of it afterward.
Common questions
Does a vow renewal need an officiant with a license?
No. The couple are already legally married, so a vow renewal has no legal side and there is no marriage license to sign. Anyone can lead it, including a son or daughter, a grandchild, a friend or a member of the clergy.
When do couples usually renew their vows?
Many couples choose a milestone anniversary such as the 10th, 25th or 50th. Others renew after a hard few years, after a move, or simply because they never had the wedding they wanted the first time. There is no right time.
Do we need new rings for a vow renewal?
No. Most couples use their original rings, which they take off before the ceremony so they can be exchanged again. Some add a new band or an anniversary ring. Either way works.
How long should a vow renewal ceremony be?
Usually shorter than a wedding. Ten to twenty minutes is typical, with the officiant speaking for about five of that. It can be a few minutes at a family party or a longer service at a church.